never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
