Your face is a jimmy john
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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