I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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