hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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