U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
