You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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