meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
