This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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