weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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