It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
