We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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