My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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