I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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