I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
