Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
