these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
