Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
