Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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