i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
