They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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