I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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