i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
