I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
