His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
