On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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