U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
