my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
