Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
third nipple confirmed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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