i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
