don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
