still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
