Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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