Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
