Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
this hospital has no fireball
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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