6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
