i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
