just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
