bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
