I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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