The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Operation Purity has been aborted
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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