I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
