oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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