did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
God I need to hump something, right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
