there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
