puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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