she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
