Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
