i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
