How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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