why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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