so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
