I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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