your room smells of hookers.
And success
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
