My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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