dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
