They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
