I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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