i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
