Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
