WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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