Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
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I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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