I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
