My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
