I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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