brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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