To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
