You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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