dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he thought i was a dude.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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