I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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