why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
