I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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