Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
