I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
