He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
