careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
