oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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