I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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