no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
