do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
