Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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