ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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