But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
